Special Olympics "Joke" Fuels Discussion
How can we better prepare people to both avoid gaffes and to take proactive steps in enhancing dignity?
On March 19, President Obama, in his appearance on the Jay Leno show, described his poor bowling performance as “like Special Olympics.” This attempt at humor has sparked lots of discussion.
Maureen Lowry-Fritz, executive director of On the Same Team, an organization working to build collaborative special education relationships between home and school, said Obama’s comment “rocked me to the core.” As the proud parent of a Special Olympics athlete, Maureen said “I am left stunned,” she said, “at the negative impact the comment may have made.”
So Maureen crafted a beautiful response that captures the personal impact of the remark (see below). In that response, she also offers clear suggestions for how, through education and advocacy, to “make a positive impact upon the public perception and treatment of people with disabilities.”
Related Content:
- Read Maureen Lowry-Fritz’ response to Obama’s comment
- On The Same Team
- Read what other bloggers have said
What do you think? How can we, as Ann Turnbull said in a recent email, “better prepare people to both avoid gaffes and to take proactive steps in enhancing dignity?” Join guest blogger Maureen Lowry-Fritz here for a discussion of this topic.
Forgiveness??
I hope that my children will be here long after I leave. As such, I continually repeat this message to them. In their earliest years, I conveyed it as simply and as concretely as possible.
"Don't hit."
"Don't say mean things."
As they grew, I adapted my message to fit their understanding of words, feelings, concepts and consequences.
THe simple "rules" have developed into newer "best practices" that suit their developmental abilities.
"Don't use 'judging' words."
"Treat others the way you would want to be treated."
"Understand that things and people aren't always as they seem."
"Look for the good in others."
"Don't criticize others for what they cannot help."
"Forgive those who have wronged you."
"Dislike the sin, not the sinner."
President Obama's comment/"joke" has caused me to reflect upon these fundamental tenets of my family.
I don't intend to convey any sort of political message here. I'm just sharing what I felt as the mother of a Special Olympic athlete who has been negatively targetted by someone. And that "someone" happens to be the President...that makes it all a little awkward, to say the least...
President Obama "broke" one of the rules that even my youngest child understands. He said a "mean thing."
In my home, if one of my children is mean to another (and they are, at times, as they are only human), he has to apologize and ask for forgiveness. And the child on the receiving end of the hurt has to decide whether or not to forgive. My husband and I encouage forgiveness, and in most cases, forgiveness is requested and granted quickly. Other times, the hurt runs deep. And the injured child will respond, "I will forgive, just not right now." Holding on to their hurt - for whatever reason - just makes them feel better.
Right now, I understand that response. I am trying to let go of the hurt and forgive.
But it still hurts.
My daughter is a Special Olympic athlete. She has worked tireless for hours to learn to swim. And then seizure episodes can and "erased" her ability to swim. And she had to re-learn how to swim. And so on...
Hearing anyone mock the Special Olympics - even in an attempt to criticize his own abilities - is MOST DEFINITELY an insult to individuals with disabilities. President Obama didn't imply that his score/form/skills were so GOOD it was like he was in the Special Olympics. He implied that his score/form/skills were so BAD it was like he was in the Special Olympics. No matter how you slice it, that's an insult.
And this wasn't just anyone. It was the President of the United States. And he didn't whisper it to his wife or friend (which would still be offensive). He said it OUT LOUD on national television in front of countless viewers. Viewers who may take their cue from him on what is right and wrong.
As I watched my recording of Jay Leno the following morning, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. Actually, no. I felt as if I watched someone punch my DAUGHTER in the stomach. ACtually, no. I felt as if I watched someone I trust to lead my country punch my daughter in the stomach. Which is much, much, worse.
So, how to react? Well, I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. I called my husband and could barely choke out the words, telling him what had happened. I called my Dad, and we wept together on the phone. I cancelled all of my appointments for the day because I couldn't pull myself out of my feelings of grief.
I felt that the President of the United STates had just given the world the "green light" to criticize my daughter.
Now I find myself in the position where I have to "practice what I preach." I feel like one of my children. There has been "an" apology. Should I accept it and forgive him?
Well, here's my dilemma:
He didn't insult ME. He insulted my daughter and other disabled people in the world.
I feel it would be presumptious of me to "forgive" him on behalf of my daughter and other disabled people. That would be stealing their voices, their power, and their ability to choose who they do/don't forgive. Do I even have the "right" to forgive him for something he did to my daughter? Isn't that HER right? She understands "right" and "wrong." This decision belongs to her, not me.
And what about those people with disabilities who do not have the cognitive abilities to understand "right" and "wrong." Some members of our disabled population do not have the abilities to understand they've been wronged, or to understand the meaning of accepting an apology. What about them? What about those individuals who don't even realize they've been insulted? If a tree falls when no one's around, doesn't it still make a noise? What about those individuals who - by virtue of the very traits President Obama was mocking - don't even realize they've been betrayed?
Hmm...
And even if all individuals with disabilities did have the capabilities of understanding a apology and deciding whether or not to accept, we have another problem...
President Obama STILL hasn't apologized to the people he insulted. Indeed, he has apologized to Timothy Shriver. However, to the best of my knowledge, Timothy Shriver has never actually competed in the Special Olympics. He is not one of the insulted/injured parties. And even if Timothy Shriver HAS participated in the Special Olympics, there are still thousands, if not millions, of athletes who are left without THEIR apology. When one of my children insults or hurts someone, he has to apologize directly to the person he insulted. He cannot "filter" his apology through me or my husband. Bottom line: In my opinion, President Obama still has not yet apologized to the people he insulted.
So, how to proceed? To forgive or not to forgive? Has their been a valid apology? And if there has been an apology, are the injured individuals capable - as a comprehensive group - of accepting an apology?
This is difficult. This is truly difficult.
But I am trying. I am sincerely trying to move forward. Have I "forgiven" President Obama? Is it even my "right" to forgive him? I still don't know the answers to those questions.
However, I want to move forward. I want to take this regrettable moment and turn it into something positive.
I want to continue working towards encouraging citizens of the world to go beyone mere "acceptance" and "tolerance" of people with disabilities. I want the citizens of the world to VALUE, APPRECIATE and ADMIRE all that people with disabilities bring to this world.
I think we can do that. I really do. What if each of us took a moment or two to educate those who utter offensive comments and tell offensive jokes. If we explained that those comments/jokes HURT. They hurt disabled people and those who love them. I've done this several times. I've attempted to educated friends, family members and strangers. Sometimes it works out well...sometimes my "suggestions" are not so well-received.
But change does not happen without education. And we must be the catalyst of change.
Back to the forgiveness. I will take a leap of faith here. I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to broadly interpret President Obama's apology to Tim Shriver as an apology to all the individuals he insulted. And while I have no plans to tell my daughter about the President's joke, I am going to assume that based on her incredibly charitable heart, she would forgive him.
And if she would forgive him (and I truly believe she would), then who am I to hold onto the hurt?
I'm crying as I type this.
This is harder than I thought.
But here it is: I forgive you, President Obama.